Happy tenth!

A decade – ten years it has been – of togetherness. Should I be saying – ‘you complete me‘? Nah, I would rather say – ‘I am incomplete without you‘! 🙂

It has not been a easy ride (is anybody’s ever?) – there have been ups and downs, triumphs and trials, laughs and lows, tears and toasts… moments when one’s felt euphoric, that life can never be better and others when one has felt down in the dumps, like it was the worst!

Marriage, they say is a life-changing event. I would agree whole-heartedly, especially it still is, in our society and is an important milestone in each of our lives. It’s important that you have someone to share your thoughts with, to laugh-along or to find solace when you’re upset about something – a friend, a companion, a lover, a guide, a protector, a provider, someone who needs your care and attention like a child. I’d say, we experience a plethora of relationships through our spouse. The demands are different and the roles you need to essay keep changing, it’s a dynamic relationship – ever-changing and that’s what makes it interesting. And no matter how many years pass, each day is different.

The initial years are all about moments that set your heart a-flutter – when you’re discovering each other and what makes him/ her tick. You’re fine-tuning your frequencies, being in generous moods to adjust and accept, all in the name of love/ tenderness that you feel for the other person. Whoever said that one has to be in love to get married, was ill-informed. There can be love after marriage too – as has been proved by the several hundreds of arranged marriages over the generations of our parents and grand-parents. You might argue all you want – that these marriages were not on equal terms, that the women didn’t have much choice and the men had the final word always. But you can’t deny that there was love – that’s the beauty of it, isn’t it? that love can have so many manifestations!

Slowly as you settle into the humdrum of married life, a few years down the line, life starts losing it’s rosy sheen and you begin to see the flaws and the idiosyncrasies in the partner – what used to amuse you once, might just irritate you or worse still, might be disgusting in some extreme cases. You begin to make further adjustments and a slow sense of familiarity and sometimes resignation – looking at the bigger picture, sets in. Also around the beginning of these years, a child makes an appearance and priorities shift. The bundle of joy becomes the attention-seeker and all efforts go in trying to appease and take care of your child. The child is the apple of your eyes and every single routine begins to revolve around him/ her. The marriage and the sense of seeking comfort in each others’ arms takes a back-seat.

Further years cause more adipose tissues to be built around the relationship as each settles into their own comfort zones and the keen sense of sensitiveness (which is a given during the early years) starts disappearing and you begin to take your partner for granted. Another child or two doesn’t change the equation much and each gets busier with their own lives, there’s hardly any time or opportunity for heart-to-heart talks. And romance? Well, if you are a keen observer, you can surely see it fly out of the window! 😀

I guess, it’s the latter years which again gives opportunities for rekindling the romance?! After running non-stop being a part of the rat-race, when you finally retire and take a breather, that’s when you look at everything around you afresh, with new eyes. The small gestures and sacrifices which would’ve gone unseen and unappreciated over the years get a second look.Sometimes the enormity of the sacrifices which the partner has had to make – which inevitably in most cases in our society turns out to be the woman, begins to dawn upon you. Or maybe not. You just begin to appreciate your spouse a teeny bit more. It’s also the time when the birds have flew the nest, the children are all grown up and busy running the rat-races of their own lives and don’t have much time and don’t need you any longer (till they have kids of their own, that is! 😀 ). You find solace in each other’s company. Further additions to the family in the name of the grandchildren keep you busy and you rediscover the pure unadulterated joy that children can bring to one’s lives. And so it goes on… The lucky ones get to spend these golden times together, the unlucky ones not so.

I guess I’ve generalized a lot in visualising the life-scenes played out above, but most often this, with a few tweaks and side-plots here and there, is the story of our lives 😀

Parenthood and the companionship for the latter years of one’s life – these are reasons enough for marriage, according to me. Parenthood is an inexplicable joy – there are people who are single/ married-with-no-kids who are happy doing their own thing in life. Ha ha, we too were happy go-lucky, travelling around and enjoying the various perks of not having kids, for quite some time. But then, once you are a parent there’s no looking back. That one tiny bundle makes all the difference, you wouldn’t want to trade that feeling for anything in the world. It becomes the focus of all your thoughts and energies and deeds. All you want is the well-being and happiness of your child. Heck, we tried doing a couples-only trip for the tenth anniversary, but couldn’t get the little imp out of our thoughts! 😀 Sights and sounds and actions and happenings reminded us of him all the time and we missed him badly, while he was having a rocking, rollicking time with cousins at his grandma’s! 😛

Having a friend and partner for old age helps one lead a complete, fulfilling life, I believe. We see so many single elders sad and depressed due to lack of company when their world slows down. From the looks of it, the spouse in this case is irreplaceable. It also helps to keep each other busy, active, chirpy and occupied, without causing unnecessary interferences and upsets with the kids’ lives. After all, what can be more satisfying than having your life-long companion by your side as you watch the years pass by, your children grow up, your efforts bear fruit, and you walk together, hand-in-hand into the most gorgeous, brightest sunset of your life?! 🙂

And that, is what I wish for us, on this occasion! Happy tenth PK, and here’s looking forward to spending many many more, with you by my side! 🙂

 

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A season for celebrations

Much water has flowed under the bridge since my last post… amongst other things, we won the world cup! YAY!!!!!!!!!!! Though it has been a month already, I want to blog about it here for posterity – to help me remember that wonderful day when I became a part of the generation that witnessed history in the making! Even as I was complaining in my last post that the team’s performance isn’t living up to all the hype &  hoopla and that I’m becoming disinterested, believe me – it only took one match for me to get back on track 😀 The quarterfinal match against the Aussies and the way we won it was brilliant and then there was the biggie – the semifinal against Pakistan. That was a cracker too and before we knew it, we were in the finals and our opponents would be the mighty Sri Lankans, who can never be taken for granted! All I could remember then was the 1996 fiasco at the Eden Gardens – the image of Kambli crying in the middle as people threw stones and bottles onto the ground is etched in my memory. Several members in the team too were carrying ghosts from the past – the loss in the 2003 finals and the dismal performance in the 2007 world cup, to be scuttled out in the initial rounds after their loss to Bangladesh. Many had a point to prove and it was Sachin’s last shot at being part of a world cup winning team.

And boy! Did we do it in style?! To be frank, my heart sank when we lost Sachin and Sehwag quickly; the way they were going all guns blazing, I was sure we’d win if they’d just continued to play like that till about mid-way. Just then, they fell one after the other and I didn’t fancy our chances, even though Yuvraj was in good form. But then the skipper chose to rise to the occasion and he did it with such panache! He was brilliantly supported by Gautam Gambhir at the other end (who was plain stupid to have missed out on his ton! aarrgh!) and then Suresh Raina. If you ask me, the key to our turn-around in this world cup has been Suresh Raina, the moment he came back in the middle order, the team looked totally different, he played crucial knocks in all the important matches and built brilliant partnerships just when the hour demanded it.

Finally, that look on Dhoni’s face as he scored the winning runs off a six said it all and that’s gonna remain in my memory for a long long time. That and several other scenes of jubilation – Yuvraj sobbing, the glow of pure bliss on Sachin’s face, Kohli’s words about carrying Sachin on his shoulders – ‘he’s carried the dreams of a billion people for 21 odd years, it’s high time that we take the weight of his shoulders’ or something to that effect… stuff that only dreams are made of.

When I talk of dreams, it’s also been a year since I wrote this mushy post (hmm…I wonder now, must’ve been them, the harmones! :P) – so it means it’s time to hi-five! Five years of being married, phew! On the day, we spent some time trying to recollect how we’d spent the day on each of the past years – or rather I bullied the husband into recollecting. Or it would be more apt to say that I recollected while he hmm-ed and haa-ed… what is it with men and their memories eh? I detailed out all of them, except the second anniversary which I for some unknown reason can’t recollect a minute-of and the husband insists it was when I bought my favourite necklace at CKC (trust him to remember such things eh? ;-)) This year of married life has been special, with the little munchkin entering our lives and seeking out all our attention and love. So much so, that there is no moment or event that can be recollected as being complete without him being a part of it 🙂

Speaking of him, he’s as mischievous and as sprightly as ever – racing across the floor in a flash, sometimes with such gusto and so many squeals that I get scared he’ll hurt himself! He pulls himself up into a standing pose at every given opportunity and wants to walk. He’s already negotiating the steps of the staircase with such ease and glee that it’s an absolute delight to watch him – I’m tempted to stand back and look on, even as I should be behind him protecting him from a possible fall. He’s babbling various sounds – started off with attha and akka… and now says baa baa, taa taa, maa maa and many more in his lovely baby tongue that is pure music to my ears 🙂 He’s also become a lot more clingy in terms of wanting me to carry him all the time when I’m around – he’s fine playing by himself, but the moment he sees me, he has to come to me.

Sometimes as he plays with his toys/ cups and is sitting on his knees with his feet tucked behind him and his back to me, I look down and watch the little head bobbing from side to side with his silky hair spread across the smooth nape and the cute little shoulders supporting the even cuter antics of his baby hands and am filled with such an ache that I wanna just grab him and hold him tight and smother him with hugs and kisses… doesn’t make sense, does it? Well, you gotta make allowances for a mother’s gushing… 🙂

The blessing is here!

Finally, the much awaited day arrived when we received our bundle of joy with out-stretched arms and hearts full… it was on the 20th of August, 2010 at 8.45 AM in the morning and it is a BOY! 🙂

Right now, my cup of joy overfloweth and I am unable to find words to write a detailed post…also my mom is at my back asking me to shut down the computer and get back to bed… well, details can wait for another day… right now I shall leave you with this pic… as they say a picture speaks a thousand words…

Our blessing

A bad dream

I had a bad dream yesterday… it’s been sometime since I’ve had one of my weird dreams where all sorts of characters from various walks and periods of my life get mixed up… but this was almost like a nightmare – you see I was about to be killed! 😦

It looked like a reality show setting – there were a group of us in a house – most of them were known to me but I could identify just one – a colleague from office whom I’ve hardly spoken to! The show was about how one by one, each of us would get killed and the killer would be one amongst us. Apart from me there was another pregnant lady in the team. We were all sitting around a sofa and discussing who it would be next and there was a scary knife lying around. I kept repeating why does it have to be a stabbing – can’t it be something else?!! Funnily none of us seemed inclined to kill or to die and we all trusted each other. We were discussing how was it that the organizers or whoever was controlling the show would know if we didn’t kill. Then that colleague I mentioned said he would volunteer and cut himself and throw in a shriek so that it looked like someone was killed and then we would all run away from the house.

Accordingly he cut a deep gnash in his hand and shrieked and a couple of others shrieked too… all of us looked out of the French windows to check if anyone was spying on us. Not finding anyone everybody rushed out… I suddenly realized that I had the knife in my hands and it would carry my fingerprints. I decided to wash it and throw it away before making my escape. As I went in I noticed that one of my ex-teammates, who did not particularly like me, was getting into the house behind me – I didn’t have time to wonder. As I went near the kitchen I suddenly spotted a female – a stranger who seemed to have appeared out of nowhere and was working in the kitchen like it was the most natural thing to do! As I went closer, she hissed – give the knife to her – meaning the ex-teammate who was behind me. I said – ‘what??!’, she hissed more fiercely – ‘I said, give the knife to her!’

With a shock I realized that I was the target, I was about to be killed! I remember shrieking ‘NO!!!!!!’ and rushing out through the French windows into the lawn outside. That’s when I woke up with a cold sweat! I realized that the fan was not running and the power was off. It was uncomfortably hot and my heart was thudding against my chest. My hands instinctively went to my baby and I was afraid that someone would harm me and my baby 😦 It was sometime before I could console myself that it was only a dream and the baby was safe. Phew!

I wonder why I had this dream – I haven’t been watching any scary shows on TV – all I watch is the Indian Idol and a harmless fun family serial – which isn’t even the typical saas-bahu types! I’m reading a book which isn’t particularly scary or grotesque. I guess, strange are the ways in which our sub-conscious mind works… I just hope I don’t have any more of these scary dreams keeping me awake at nights! 😦

Au revoir!

Well, it’s time to say good bye to the “City of Lights” and what most people term – the most romantic city in the world!

It’s been a good four weeks spent doing some significant fulfilling work which also involved a lot of learning. But more importantly, it has been time spent working at a relaxed pace… well atleast till the last week (that’s when my work from back home caught up with me!) . Paris has been all that was promised and more – with romance in the air and history along it’s every lane, it’s a tourist’s delight. I would say my month’s work-stay and 3 weekends thrown in didn’t allow me to do enough justice to the place as a tourist, but that’s precisely reason enough for me to want to visit it again.

Work-wise as I already mentioned it has been relaxed, but efficient work with colleagues who made us feel right at home – especially the guy we worked with being an absolute dear! 😀 The stay, the commute and the experience of working away from home were as comfortable as could be desired. The sight-seeing trips were very insightful and enjoyable, although I found that my stamina for weekend sight-seeing walkathons isn’t what it used to be 😦 Overall I think it was a wonderful stint, and the joy of meeting-up with a close friend all the way here – away from my and her place of stay – was the icing on the cake! Neither of us had imagined, even in our wildest dreams that we would meet here, of all places! Well, that’s life I suppose! 🙂

Tomorrow I formally say goodbye to the city and take my flight back home. All said and done, the heart does yearn for home and the warmth of loved ones – well, this time the hubby has been missing me quite a bit too 😀 (now why does that make me grin with glee – my heart melts but the mind says – see, this is what I feel everytime you leave me alone and go off on your official trips! :)) But, the city has tempted and tantalised me enough to hope for a second visit and that time with the hubby in tow. So hopefully our paths will cross again and may be I should say – Au revoir à bientôt! 🙂

Wake-up call!

I watched “Wake up Sid” and loved it. It has woken up a lot of supine thoughts in my head – the most prominent being the need to love one’s work. It has left me wondering – how wonderful it must be to get up every day and actually look forward to your day ahead at work with happy thoughts about tackling the challenges that lie lined up. How thrilling it must be to actually work where your creative interests and instincts lie – work not to complete a task or to see your salary credited in your account end of month, but for the deep sense of satisfaction and accomplishment it provides you every time you do it – be it every day or month or years.  I simply fell in love with the work that Sid and Aisha do – the magazine they work with, the ambience of the place, the spirit, the passion and precision with which the deadlines are met and the long hard hours of toil put in before the product takes shape and the thrill of pleasure that is sure to run up and down their spines when they spot the fruits of their labour – in the form of the glossy magazine hitting the stands every month.

Wow! Through the weekend I sulked and told the hubby – I don’t want to go back to my boring office work and computer, come Monday. Voila! Here I am, back doing what I always do – type away long winding emails – giving explanations and reasons, follow up and get work done by the team, solve issues or ensure that they get solved, prepare excel sheets and update statuses… well you get the drift, don’t you? Do I have a choice? Of course I do! I can give it all up and run away and say I’ll do what I wanna do – albeit, with the keen thought that I won’t have a promised on-time pay-packet at the end of the month. But what is it that I wanna do? Do I know? Well… I have ideas… which I know don’t amount to much by themselves… am I exceptionally good at something? Well… there’s singing and there’s writing… and that’s about it… that’s about it?? Am I really really good at this? Well… not really, if you wanna put it that way! And then, am I brave enough to step away from the well-trodden path and do something out of the ordinary? Hmm… umm…So there, that doesn’t leave me with much choice, does it?

Seriously speaking, I did leave the movie hall envying people who get to do what they love – I understand that it depends on the choice one makes when it comes to taking up a profession – and it goes right back to one’s high school/ college days sometimes – choosing to stick with one’s love of art or literature or Science – instead of going along with the crowd and making a choice simply because that seems to be the right thing to do at the time or yielding to parental pressure.

Well, there’s still hope for me, I hope! If not now, at least in later years I hope to be doing something I love and loving what I do!

Dreams and perceptions

Dreams are a substitute for the perception of sight, sound, speech, odour and touch – the seventh sense – encompassing the five senses, if I may say so (seventh because the sixth sense is associated with something like ESP – a different kind of a sensation altogether)

I’ve been dreaming, about people whom I’ve lived with all my life – my parents, friends, loved ones. I’ve always had dreams, mostly weird ones – weird because there are people and places in them who are totally disconnected to one another, except for having me in common. What’s significant is, this time around, though the people in my dreams are doing strange stuff, as usual, they’re not put together haphazardly. The right people are together in the right place. The simple and sensible explanation is – that I’ve been thinking a lot about them, being far away and missing being with them.

That, of course, is the logical explanation, but is there something else? A couple of days back I had a strange rather unnerving experience. It was a close friend’s birthday and this piece of info had totally slipped from my mind. I had a reminder set on my mobile, but having not got a connection here yet, my mobile just lies around as a bulky paper weight these days, at home. I didn’t see the reminder. Sometime by mid afternoon, I was in the office pantry, drinking coffee, just talking to colleagues and looking at things around the place. That’s when I saw a calendar which I’d never observed before in that place and haven’t observed again ever since. I didn’t notice the date either, but suddenly, out of the very blue, there was a zap and I remember thinking, “Oh God, it’s her birthday today! And I nearly forgot!”

But the truth is I didn’t – forget. Was it a coincidence – me happening to look at the calendar that day? But why that very day of all the days? Why not the previous day or the next day? (As an aside, thank God it was the way it was, I would’ve gotten beaten up, otherwise! :D) Was it an extra sensory perception? My sixth sense at work? I don’t know what… I’ve had such experiences before as well, I guess all of us have them – we give it different names – telepathy, intuition, sixth sense, second sight, clairvoyance, deep love(??!) etc 😀 Whatever you choose to name it, you cannot ignore it. Probably it’s just our way of accentuating the special bond we share with special people… the magic lies in the fact that it is so very inexplicable! 🙂