A perspective on marriage

Several guys and gals in our team have gotten engaged in recent months – in fact so much so that, we were planning to nick-name our bay as the Marriage Bureau! 😀 So the scene can be very well imagined – long hours spent on the net browsing, chatting, checking photos, taking impromptu leaves for shopping and extended phone conversations through-out the day. The sufferer in all this is the work, of course and the poor manager, who is at a loss – one needs to get work done, at the same time one cannot be ruling with an iron fist and bar all of the above – after all, it’s a rosy period in anybody’s life which he/ she wouldn’t want to miss out on. I am one such poor manager trying to get the message across with my hapless jokes and humour, which fall flat on their face 😦

On one of the occasions when the team member was seen to be talking on the phone for almost the entire day, while sitting at his desk – supposedly working but the headphones firmly in his ears, after a few jibes, I quipped – ‘Don’t talk so much now, whatever you say will come back to bite you after the wedding’ 😀 I said it in good humour and thinking that it is a sentiment which will be acknowledged by many married folks. But the other so said married and unmarried folks were quick to seize the opportunity to quip right back – ‘Anu is speaking from experience!’ and I could only retort – ‘Why only me, isn’t it true for everyone?’

Later when I was recounting this incident to friends over lunch, I was surprised to see that their reaction was also quite unexpected. I got the feeling that people found it awkward and troublesome to accept something as simple as – life changes after marriage. The point I am trying to make is this – the golden few months before the wedding when you are getting to know the other person is always rosy and nice – because you are on your best behavior, you are trying to find ways to please and impress the other person – rather unknowingly too sometimes. The flaws are not so much in focus as are the pleasant niceties. But a year or two into marriage, as you slowly settle down into a life with your partner – you make adjustments, you accept some differences, you assert your own choices and basically you win trust, gain understanding and start to take a practical look at life without the rosy shades of romance always being on.

This is not to say that life will be devoid of romance and excitement or a realization that you love your partner any less. In fact we begin to realize that we fall in love with the partner in spite of their shortcomings (as you perceive them) and for the very same person who he/she is.

So I wonder why it is so difficult to accept this simple and natural fact about married life. Why do people take pleasure in insisting that it is a problem with you and this isn’t necessarily the case with everyone else? Or do I come across as a cynic with this practical perspective about marriage? So, what do you folks have to say?

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4 thoughts on “A perspective on marriage

  1. I cant agree more with you Anu! The only addition I would like to make is this happening in an arranged marriage setup. I went through the same cycle and now – 2 years well into the marriage, when I say what we have now is a more mature understanding of each other or that we argue on everything – the first thing people ask me is ‘Are you really happy?’.. And you know the drill – it takes a long drawn procedure to convince people that this phase is inevitable!

    • yeah sometimes I am just dumbfounded when people make such stupid gender specific comments or act like getting married is having your woes guaranteed!

  2. Hey Anu,
    I’m coming in after a long time.. sorry… I completely agree with you, marriage is never a rosy journey as it seems at the start [:)] Some people are in perpetual denial and others understand it and enjoy the ups and downs it offers. I feel only now we are in true love because we have come to accept/love each other as we are.

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